i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
