He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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