so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
