Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
