I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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