Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
