I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
