we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
