If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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