Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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