you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
