You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
