office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
