I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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