i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
