Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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