my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
