Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
