The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
