see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Randomize
