Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
