Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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