I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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