dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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