New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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