i was born a porn star she said
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
