i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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