3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
vagina is talking i cant
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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