that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
