And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I need moral support for this bender
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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