Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
