how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
These tits shall not be calmed
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
