I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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