When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I believe in your delicious
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
