The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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