Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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