when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
