It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
