Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
