Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
