if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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