Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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