Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
