Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
