i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
