Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
