you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
