Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
