Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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