I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
