Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
