we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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