U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
