I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
