Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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