She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
