Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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