Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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